guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
