We named our party play list daddy issues
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
