What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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