I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
