i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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