I feel great
I just peed on a car
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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