i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize