Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
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