somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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