RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
