your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
