So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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