you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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