you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
