I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Everclear isn't food dammit
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
