lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
