Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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