you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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