i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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