you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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