I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I want to be your penis for a week.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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