You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Randomize
