i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
