How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
and she was petting her beer can
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
