WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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