I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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