party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
