I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize