i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Randomize
