I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
