I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
