Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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