just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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