She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
