If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
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