I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Randomize
