nutella sex= disaster
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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