I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
Randomize
