so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
