Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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