I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
