she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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