went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
