so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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