Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
