M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
