I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
