I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
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