beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Randomize
