oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
