So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
handjob tips. give me some.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
