he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
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