i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
