Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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