Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
Randomize