Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
