My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
