yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
