yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Randomize