When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
