I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
