Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
