I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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