I hate all girls vehemently.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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