had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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