Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I love you.
Bad choice
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