Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
