I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
