I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
