So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
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