We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
that's an acceptable place to lick
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize
