I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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