I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
