A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize