look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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