Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
