If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
