I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Randomize
