i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Are we still banned from the library?
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
