Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Randomize
