Dude my mom stole all your condoms
she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
