We're like a lot better than the average bears
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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