after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
