do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
