Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
