But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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