Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize