the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
